Post by Quinton DeDecker on Nov 16, 2009 19:29:54 GMT -5
Found them on a site thought i would share them
A boy that lives on a farm is awakened by his mother early in the morning on the weekend. She tells him he won't get breakfast until he does his chores. One of his chores involves feeding all the animals. While he was feeding the animals he takes out his aggression on some of them. He kicks a chicken, a cow, and a pig. When he finished his chores his mother just gives him a bowl of dry cereal. When he asks why, his mother tells him that he didn't get any milk because he kicked the cow. He didn't get any eggs because he kicked the chicken and he didn't get bacon because he kicked the pig. Right then his father comes in and kicks the cat. The boy looks at his mother and says "Would you like to tell him or should I?"
A "city-boy" ventured out and bought himself a farm-house. He needed some animals for the farm and inquired at the neighbor's place. The old farmer agreed to sell some animals and the two walked through the yard.
The city-boy pointed and asked, "What kind of animal is that?"
"Well," said the farmer, "that is a cock, which you city folks call a rooster."
"Ok, I'll take one of them," said the city boy. He pointed to another animal, and the farmer told him, "That one is a pullet, or what you call a chicken."
"I'll take it," said the city boy.
"You will also need a hard working animal to help you with the chores, so I'll sell you this ass, or mule."
The city-boy agreed.
"The mule might give you problems being stubborn 'n all and lie down on you," informed the farmer. "If you scratch his belly really good, he'll get up."
As the city-boy is heading home, a beautiful girl is approaching. All of a sudden, the mule lies down and refuses to move. The girl hurries over and asks if she can help.
"Yeah," exclaimed the city-boy, "You can grab my cock & pullet while I reach around and scratch I disagree.
A life-long city man, tired of the rat race, decided he was going to give up the city life, move to the country, and become a chicken farmer. He bought a nice, used chicken farm and moved in. As it turned out, his next door neighbor was also a chicken farmer. The neighbor came for a visit one day and said, "Chicken farming isn’t easy. Tell you what. To help you get started, I’ll give you 100 chickens."
The new chicken farmer was thrilled. Two weeks later the neighbor dropped by to see how things were going. The new farmer said, "Not too well. All 100 chickens died." The neighbor said, "Oh, I can’t believe that. I’ve never had any trouble with my chickens. I’ll give you 100 more." Another two weeks went by and the neighbor stopped by again. The new farmer said, "You’re not going to believe this, but the second 100 chickens died too." Astounded, the neighbor asked, "What went wrong?"
The new farmer said, "Well, I’m not sure whether I’m planting them too deep or too close together."
A woman's garden is growing beautifully but the darn tomatos won't ripen. There's a limit to the number of uses for green tomatos and she's getting tired of it. So she goes to her neighbor and says, ``Your tomatos are ripe, mine are green. What can I do about it?'' Her neighbor replies, ``Well, it may sound absurd but here's what to do. Tonight there's no moon. After dark go out into your garden and take all your clothes off. Tomatos can see in the dark and they'll be embarrassed and blush. In the morning they'll all be red, you'll see.'' Well, what the heck? She does it. Next day her neighbor asks how it worked. ``So-so,'' she answers. ``The tomatos are still green but the cucumbers are all four inches longer.''
Two hunters were dragging their dead deer back to their car. Another hunter approached pulling his along too. "Hey, I don't want to tell you how to do something... but I can tell you that it's much easier if you drag the deer in the other direction. Then the antlers won't dig into the ground... After the third hunter left, the two decided to try it. A little while later one hunter said to the other, "You know, that guy was right. This is a lot easier!"
"Yeah, but we're getting farther from the truck," the other added
A boy that lives on a farm is awakened by his mother early in the morning on the weekend. She tells him he won't get breakfast until he does his chores. One of his chores involves feeding all the animals. While he was feeding the animals he takes out his aggression on some of them. He kicks a chicken, a cow, and a pig. When he finished his chores his mother just gives him a bowl of dry cereal. When he asks why, his mother tells him that he didn't get any milk because he kicked the cow. He didn't get any eggs because he kicked the chicken and he didn't get bacon because he kicked the pig. Right then his father comes in and kicks the cat. The boy looks at his mother and says "Would you like to tell him or should I?"
A "city-boy" ventured out and bought himself a farm-house. He needed some animals for the farm and inquired at the neighbor's place. The old farmer agreed to sell some animals and the two walked through the yard.
The city-boy pointed and asked, "What kind of animal is that?"
"Well," said the farmer, "that is a cock, which you city folks call a rooster."
"Ok, I'll take one of them," said the city boy. He pointed to another animal, and the farmer told him, "That one is a pullet, or what you call a chicken."
"I'll take it," said the city boy.
"You will also need a hard working animal to help you with the chores, so I'll sell you this ass, or mule."
The city-boy agreed.
"The mule might give you problems being stubborn 'n all and lie down on you," informed the farmer. "If you scratch his belly really good, he'll get up."
As the city-boy is heading home, a beautiful girl is approaching. All of a sudden, the mule lies down and refuses to move. The girl hurries over and asks if she can help.
"Yeah," exclaimed the city-boy, "You can grab my cock & pullet while I reach around and scratch I disagree.
A life-long city man, tired of the rat race, decided he was going to give up the city life, move to the country, and become a chicken farmer. He bought a nice, used chicken farm and moved in. As it turned out, his next door neighbor was also a chicken farmer. The neighbor came for a visit one day and said, "Chicken farming isn’t easy. Tell you what. To help you get started, I’ll give you 100 chickens."
The new chicken farmer was thrilled. Two weeks later the neighbor dropped by to see how things were going. The new farmer said, "Not too well. All 100 chickens died." The neighbor said, "Oh, I can’t believe that. I’ve never had any trouble with my chickens. I’ll give you 100 more." Another two weeks went by and the neighbor stopped by again. The new farmer said, "You’re not going to believe this, but the second 100 chickens died too." Astounded, the neighbor asked, "What went wrong?"
The new farmer said, "Well, I’m not sure whether I’m planting them too deep or too close together."
A woman's garden is growing beautifully but the darn tomatos won't ripen. There's a limit to the number of uses for green tomatos and she's getting tired of it. So she goes to her neighbor and says, ``Your tomatos are ripe, mine are green. What can I do about it?'' Her neighbor replies, ``Well, it may sound absurd but here's what to do. Tonight there's no moon. After dark go out into your garden and take all your clothes off. Tomatos can see in the dark and they'll be embarrassed and blush. In the morning they'll all be red, you'll see.'' Well, what the heck? She does it. Next day her neighbor asks how it worked. ``So-so,'' she answers. ``The tomatos are still green but the cucumbers are all four inches longer.''
Two hunters were dragging their dead deer back to their car. Another hunter approached pulling his along too. "Hey, I don't want to tell you how to do something... but I can tell you that it's much easier if you drag the deer in the other direction. Then the antlers won't dig into the ground... After the third hunter left, the two decided to try it. A little while later one hunter said to the other, "You know, that guy was right. This is a lot easier!"
"Yeah, but we're getting farther from the truck," the other added
